Tired of being a "nice guy"? Worried that you're not enough of a douche? Well, here are some tips on how to increase your inner asshole, and learn new ways to treat other people like shit.

Driving

• never use turn signals
• make sure to talk on your cell phone as you drive, texting is also highly encouraged
• crank the music up REALLY high when you drive late at night in suburban neighborhoods
• speed up and slow down your car to exactly match the car in the lane next to you so that absolutely nobody can pass
• never slow down to stop on yellow lights, instead floor it

Restaurants

• order your food in whatever language you "think" the waiter can speak, especially if you don't speak any foreign languages
• snap your fingers when you want the waiters attention, they love that
• order your food for your date, if she questions your judgment utilize the complimentary buns on the table and her mouth in a fashion that best suits you
• answer any calls on your cell phone, no matter who it is

Public Spaces

• carry around a giant stack of bills, really flash it around
• make fun of anybody with a foreign accent or speech impediment
• litter and spit on the ground as much as your can
• be sure to fart in an elevator if you have the reserves in your colon

Clubs / Bars

• don't waste your time with beer or high balls, stick with rye, you'll see dramatic results
• the louder you can be, the better
• when around women, use the 'C' word as often as possible, it's one of their favorites